Bible Jokes

Where in the Bible does it say that men do the dishes?
AAAAA 2 Kings 21:13 "...and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down to dry."

What was Noah's greatest worry?
AAAAA The pair of mosquitoes.

What's the greatest case of constipation in the Bible?
AAAAA Satan the devil. Revelation says he will be bound up for a thousand years! (Rev 20:2 KJV)

Where is the first example of cannibalism in the Bible?
AAAAA Two Kings Ate One!

Who is the shortest person in the Bible?
AAAAA Bildad the Shuhite! . . . or . . . AAAAAA Knee High Miah! . . .or . . . AAAAAAA Peter (when he slept on his watch) . . . or . . AAAAAAAA Jesus (when He spoke on a mustard seed)

Who is the largest woman in the Bible?
AAAAA The woman of Some area (Samaria Jn 4)

How do we know Moses wore a wig?
AAAAA Sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn't!

When is the first food fight mentioned in the Bible?
AAAAA "I looked and behold a flying roll!" (Zech 5:1 KJV)

Do you know the phone number for the Garden of Eden?
AAAAA Adam 8-1-2!

Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
AAAAANebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
AAAAA1). Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a FURY.

AAAAAA2). David's TRIUMPH was heard throughout the land.

AAAAAAA3). HONDA...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

AAAAAAAA4). 2 Corinthians 4 v 8 describes going out in service maybe in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed."

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
AAAAASamson. He brought the house down.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
AAAAAIn the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
AAAAAThey were really put out.

Why couldn't Noah's wife and sons play cards on the Ark?
AAAAA Because Noah sat on the deck.

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
AAAAAThey really raised Cain.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
AAAAAYour mother ate us out of house and home.
The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
AAAAAThey used floodlights.
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
AAAAADavid. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
AAAAAThe thought had never entered his head before.
What do they call pastors in Germany?
AAAAAGerman Shepherds.
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
AAAAATurn right and go straight.
Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
AAAAAMoses. Because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
AAAAAThe area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
AAAAABecause in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
AAAAAWhen Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Where was the first cricket match mentioned in the Bible?
AAAAAAt Pentecost when Peter stood up with the eleven and was bowled. (bold)!!.
Did you know that Paul was the 1st surfer in the Bible?
AAAAARemember in Acts when he "came ashore on a board"!.
How do we know that the disciples were very cruel to the corn?
AAAAA Because they pulled it's ears.
Which Bible character had no parents?
AAAAA(1) Joshua, son of Nun
AAAAAA(2) Jonah, because he was brought up by a whale.
How do they make holy water?
AAAAA They boil the hell out of it!